scale anxiety

Tomorrow morning begins with that weekly meeting between me and that scale. I usually start dreading the moment a full 24 hours in advance. I woke up this morning, entered the bathroom, and found myself looking at the scale with paralyzing fear, knowing full well that I would have to face it tomorrow morning naked and vulnerable. On one end I am proud of my accomplishments this week and think that no matter what I should not worry what the number says. Realistically, however, I know that if that number hasn't budged or worse, gone up, my motivation will fall dramatically and completing that last run and swim of the week, will be overwhelmingly difficult. Good thing I am naturally buyant so my lack of will and arm movement won't sink me to the bottom of the pool.  I will, however, nobly step on that scale in the morning and hope for the best.

2 weeks down

So I started to do the tedious food journal again. I know that I should have  better attitude about it, but let's face it, it is tedious. I am two weeks into this new goal and have honestly slipped quite a bit this last second week. See my friend BJ who used to live here,  was in town and he always wants to go out to eat at his old haunts. Since I live in a small to middle size town in Idaho, none of these places are healthy. The burger and fry joint one night was followed by the gyro and fry place the other.  I was doing really well and lost 1.8 pounds the first week. When I approached the scale after a week of drinking and socializing more, I had gained 3.5 pounds.. Oi.. losing weight is damn near impossible it seems. I am getting back on that horse tomorrow... that's right, I am shooting for the 500 calorie deficit every day this week. Starting Monday at 7:00 am.

Stubbornly Plump

The clinking crystal, black eyed peas, collared greens and other New Year festivities always preclude the New years day of guilt. Guilt over the eggnog, rum, champagne, cheese dip and not doing those weekly runs because "hey it is the Christmas season, I deserve a break". The guilt magnifies as the muffin top begins to rise over my normal pants like those magnificent buttery rolls in their tray on Christmas day and when my stamina staggers while walking the dogs. I hang my head in shame as I realize, that I did in fact gain weight at Christmas despite my will and determination to not. The guilt is inevitably followed by the resolution. Yup, that one, the lose weight in (insert year here) by exercising more and watching what I eat. Ooo maybe this year I will try the new (insert diet here) because that worked for (insert friend who lost 20 pounds here).

Frankly, I am tired of that resolution. I did increase my exercise greatly in 2011. I ran my first 5k and several more after that. I spent the last year going through phases of intense regular exercise activity (running 3 plus times a week and lifting weights) without losing a single pound. The stagnant scale would create an amount of frustration that would lead me to simply give up for a week or two before starting again. I would accompany this exercise with a food journal and log my calories measuring everything out with cups, tablespoons and teaspoons to ensure I was eating the true serving size. Still the scale stayed the same. I bought a new scale. That one read heavier yet still did not budge. The entire process is maddening. When I hear people say, I am so proud of you for running and working out, but it's really strange that you look exactly the same, I want to make their heads explode..Yes I know that is is strange, and also incredibly frustrating for me, thanks for pointing it out that you have noticed too.

This year I am taking a different approach. I am not going to make that resolution. Details to come, but for now. I am going to bed.